I am thinking about all the things I shoved in the corner.
It's late, or early (depending on how you look at it), and I am full of regrets. Or maybe not regrets, maybe it's merely thoughts and feelings I tried to leave behind.

I am thinking about people and wondering how often they think about me. Do they ever think about me? I have allowed to many people to move in and out of my life. And if not "allowed" then I suppose I could say I pushed them out.

"Please, you are the closest I've come to loving someone."

I am unsure of why this has come into my mind, why I am saddened by it. I guess because now it's untrue, and it was probably never true to begin with. Maybe it could have been, if I'd listened, if I'd tried.
 Scared and stubborn, I miss.

I don't know if I would change it though. Even though it makes me sad to think about and look back on. Sometimes people think that when we say we regret things, we mean we wish we could change them. And I don't think I do. There are so many "what-ifs" in life, and that isn't anything new, all of us know that. But, even with all of the questions and the doubts, I don't know that I would change because I don't know that it would make a difference. I feel lost now. I don't think there is a single path in life I could have chosen that would lead me anywhere different, as though I would never have felt lost. It is inescapable.

Not to say there aren't happy times, good times. Loving someone is the hardest thing to learn.
I read a book today where someone died. And the person telling the story loved them. They loved someone and that someone died. And the way he reacted, the initial reaction of hearing it and the long stretches of days passing...I knew the author had never lost or possibly never loved. It makes me wonder if I love too much, too hard. Because everything I was reading felt wrong, all wrong.

"How will I ever get out of this labyrinth!" To me, it was as though you were never in it. The thought alone throws me in, right into the center of it, the overwhelming feeling of loss and never knowing or understanding.

Ramblings of night-time and feelings from years ago. Time only heals when you are able to really forget.